I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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