She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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