I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
