Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
we made out on top of his cat.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
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