My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
