i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
