I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
