My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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