Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
i've created a new STD.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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