i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
This is the high leading the old right now
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
