now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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