now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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