People in love make me want to vomit
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
