She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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