..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
