I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
