in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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