I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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