apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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