I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
