loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
