lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
