I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
