If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
