I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
