i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
