in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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