By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
