I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
