Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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