Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
