i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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