I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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