Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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