went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
