I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
