my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
