I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
