Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
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