i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
