just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
