During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
