Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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