She is in my trunk
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
