I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
