I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
