Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Randomize
