just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
