i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
