tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I love you. Go after that dick
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
