So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I need to sanitize my soul.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
