I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
