I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
